Needs-Based Communication (NVC): What it is and Why it matters in the Workplace

Needs-Based Communication (NVC)* is a potent process that can support us when we are having — or need to have — challenging conversations that matter to us ...

... like giving authentic feedback to a co-worker ...

​... or listening to someone at work or at home when we disagree with what they are saying ...

... or how we respond when we perceive ourselves as being "attacked" in a conversation ...

... or expressing clearly our personal or professional boundaries when a colleague has stepped beyond them ...

... or what we do when we feel anger rising in ourselves and we know we will likely regret the words we are about to say ...

... or when we've just expressed something in a meeting that really matters to us, but no one seems to have heard it ...

... or when we're too scared to speak up at all.​

NVC guides us to move beyond blame.

• To recognize our own reactivity.
• To understand our reactivity in terms of what matters to us.
• To see another person's reactivity in terms of what matters to them.
• In this new way of perceiving the situation, we are better able to respond consciously in a way that is likely to create mutual understanding.​
• In that understanding, we can make choices and take actions that are more likely to advance all of us toward what matters to each of us.

Here are some of the skills and benefits of using Needs-Based Communication in the workplace ... or at home:

• listening — so that the other person has an experience of being heard, even if we don't agree with what they are saying
• empathy — the basis of care and compassion — recognizing the "weird" ways that we unconsciously ask for empathy
• expressing disagreement without blame — an integral skill of conscious feedback and mutual accountability
• recognizing our own unconscious reactions and limiting beliefs —​ these are what diminish our relationships and effectiveness, especially as leaders
• seeing conflict as something to be harvested, not avoided — learn to "lean into" conflict instead of away from it, learn to hear the underlying essence of what matters to the people involved

​Needs-Based Communication invites us to expand our perception so that we see ways to bring connection amidst conflict. At the core of this expanded perception is the skill to focus our attention on the underlying human needs that are seeking to be nurtured in any moment, both within ourselves and within the people around us.

Examples of human needs include such things as ... 

• being heard
• mutual respect
• inclusion
• autonomy
• belonging
• purpose 
• competence

These underlying human needs are the motivation for our actions and our words ... the "why" behind what we do or say. Because human needs are universal — they are common to all human beings — when we bring them into explicit focus, they tend to stimulate understanding and draw us closer together.

The potency of Needs-Based Communication is in its pragmatic simplicity. In any moment, including a moment of conflict, there are two ways to enhance connection & understanding:

1. authentically express our own feelings & needs, or
2. empathically listen to the feelings & needs of the other.

These are radically different choices than we are accustomed to experience when we are in conflict: namely, fight, freeze or flee.

While simple, NVC is often challenging to embody because we are so deeply conditioned to perceive each other through judgments and blame.

With practice, the process of NVC helps us navigate within ourselves to transform unconscious reactions into conscious responses.

What Needs-Based Communication is not ...

• NVC is not about being nice; it's about being real.
• It's not about stifling intensity, but transforming it.
• NVC is not about changing other people or getting them to do what we want. It's about changing ourselves, so that we inspire the quality of communication and relationship that we want.
• NVC is not a technique or formula. It's a process that helps guide our consciousness to a new awareness around human needs.

​Our workplaces and our homes will become more vibrant when there is greater trust and care, and less fear and blame; more conscious responses among us, and fewer unconscious reactions; more listening to understand, and less listening just to respond.

Needs-Based Communication is a pathway to take us there.


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If you're intrigued by Needs-Based Communication, I invite you to learn more:​

• NVC Resources and Books
  
• "An Introduction to Needs-Based Communication (NVC)" - a 90-min live interactive workshop session
  
• "Needs-Based Communication (NVC) Core Concepts" - a 6-hour live interactive workshop

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​*Needs-Based Communication is based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, which he called "Nonviolent Communication™" or NVC. I have chosen to call the process Needs-Based Communication for two reasons:

1. First, human needs are the heart of the process.
2. Secondly, I have wanted to avoid the common initial reaction from people in business that "... we're not a violent place." 

I have chosen to keep the "NVC" abbreviation for Needs-Based Communication because many people are familiar with NVC as a process — and it lacks the "nonviolent" connotation.