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Applications of Conscious Leadership I facilitated a conversation recently among a group of seven nurses and CNAs, along with the nursing supervisor and nursing director. It is a group I’ve been meeting with twice a month for about 6 months. The intention of the meetings has been to invite them to take ownership of co-creating the culture they want, to take responsibility for how they are showing up, especially in those moments of reactivity in themselves or in the people with whom they work. At one point, a nurse said “I wasn’t going to speak, but I just need to say this … when I come to my supervisor and tell her that I’m overwhelmed and need more support on the floor, I don’t want to hear a response of ‘you don’t have anything to complain about … our nursing coverage is much higher than most facilities even when we’re short handed.’” “I don’t feel heard when you say that, and I get even more frustrated. I want to hear that you understand how overwhelmed I am, how frustrated and disappointed I feel to not be able to provide the quality of care I want to.” This nurse is describing a moment in her work day when she has a human need for empathy. The human need of empathy When our emotions are surging— whether in joy or frustration— we have a yearning for another human being to be present to us, to understand what is going on in us. Not to try to fix us, or make us better, or to try to distract us from it, but simply to be present to us. Empathy has many close cousins, the simplest of which is the need to be heard. How rare in our work day (or anywhere else for that matter) do we encounter another person who is willing to give us their attention and to listen with understanding. Ahh … to be understood … another close cousin of empathy. Amazingly, when we are heard, when we are understood, when we get nurtured with the empathy that we need, then we have a sense of being valued, of mattering. One of the challenges around the need of empathy We don’t name it, we don’t ask for it, we don’t coach others in how to give it, we aren’t taught the common ways that people “ask” for empathy. Very often in the workplace, when staff is reaching out for empathy, the supervisor or manager instead hears it as complaining, or whining, or making excuses, or simply “bad behavior.” Another nurse spoke up, “I appreciate that I can call the nurse supervisor and ask her if I can just vent for a few minutes so I don’t explode, and she gives me the space to do it, and afterward says ‘I can really hear your frustration of how hard it is to work with this patient.’ … That helps a lot. Otherwise, I think I would probably take it out on my co-workers and on the patient.” When I asked a CNA who had been quiet to check in, she paused for a moment, and said “I don’t really have anything to say … I’m here … I’m doing my job … but I’m not really here.” I asked her, “Are you saying that you’re getting your job done, but that there’s stuff going on in your life that’s keeping you from being as present as you would like?” “Yeah, it’s not about what’s going on at work … I’m fine here … it’s even good to be here. But I’ve had so much going on …” She went on to name three people close to her that had died in the last month, one of which had literally died in her arms. “The people here are so supportive of what I’m going through … they give me a hug and say ‘I’m sorry’ … it really helps.” The need for empathy is pervasive … We’re more likely to get that need met when we recognize it, and ask for it. In fact, these are milestones of development in becoming a Conscious Leader.
Of course, unless there is someone available to you who is skilled in empathic listening, then you might not get the quality of presence that nurtures the need of empathy. Empathic listening is one of four core skill sets within Needs-Based Communication (NVC), and part of the foundational training for a Conscious Leader. If we are to meet the human need for empathy in our workplace environments, then we also need structures that support people in their need for empathy. For the group of nurses and CNAs I mentioned above, one of their key structures is the bi-monthly meetings that we have together. They are also encouraged to support each other. To notice when a colleague is in a reactive state, to invite the person to pause and take some deep breaths, and to meet their colleague with some empathic listening. As another example, in my prior IT business, we had a designated room called the “Gold Room” that was set up with comfortable seating and warm colors where people could go to step out of the work environment for a moment to connect with themselves or with another person. Empathy is a core human need. I invite you to learn to recognize it and name it. I invite you to learn the skill of empathic listening to nurture it. I invite you to create structures within your work environment that are conducive to empathic connection.
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An Invitation to Become a More Conscious Leader For hundreds of generations including our own, we have been conditioned to a “domination” mindset of leadership that puts the needs of one human being above another. Whomever the person in power — the king, the boss, the teacher, the parent, the priest, the government official — their choices and their will are imposed on those they lead. The domination mindset of leadership is based on fear: "do what I say, or else I will use my power to harm you (“punishment”)." And I have language that I can use so that you — not I — are responsible for the harm I do to you: “you deserve it." The more benevolent leaders in this mindset emphasize giving you something you want (a "reward") if you do what they say. Either way, the person in power is using the extrinsic motivation of rewards and punishments to manipulate and coerce the people they lead to do what they say. At the core of this domination leadership is a mindset of “I matter — and you don’t.” Over the millennia this domination mindset has been built into our language, our thinking, our culture, our families, our institutions, our laws, our policies — perpetuating the mindset so that it becomes pervasive, invisible and subconscious. We say ”that’s just the way the world is” … “that’s just what a leader is.” “Conscious” leadership sees another way. It flows from a mindset of “I matter AND you matter” that is based on trust and care. I am reminded of a children’s book by Douglas Wood called Old Turtle and the Broken Truth. The story highlights the contrast in living from the “broken” truth of “you are loved …” with the “whole” truth of “you are loved … and so are they.” In the broken truth, we see ourselves as being more valuable than others. In the whole truth, we see each other as equally valuable in our humanity. For the conscious leader, people are valued intrinsically because each person has a sacred dignity which is grounded in a divine core. Conscious Leadership, as I am defining it, Conscious Leadership challenges the underlying and hidden mindset from which all domination leadership flows. Namely, if human beings are valued, then any use of coercion, manipulation, rewards, punishment or harm diminishes the value and dignity of the human being, and has no place. Instead, a conscious leader leads by igniting people’s intrinsic motivation to contribute and belong to something bigger than themselves which they mutually value. If human beings are truly valued, For example, when an organization values the human need “to be heard,” you would observe people having conversations that value being heard, as well as organizational structures and processes that value being heard. For instance, you would see leaders avoiding the tendency to dismiss what another person is saying by labeling it as “complaining” or “whining.” And meetings would include a structure such as rounds where each person has an explicit opportunity to speak and be heard. The first step toward conscious leadership then, I value you and your human needs as much as I value myself and my own human needs. To embrace the mindset is to move toward it, starting from wherever you are. It’s the yearning to lead from this new mindset that propels the conscious leader forward in her own development. It’s the openness to embrace the new language, the new thinking, and the new way of being that this mindset invites. What matters is not to be a conscious leader, but to become a more conscious leader. It means an ongoing commitment of authentic self-discovery to see where domination still lives within you, and to consciously practice new thinking and new language in alignment with “I matter AND you matter AND we matter.” What does leadership look like What does leadership look like that refuses to use coercion, manipulation or punishment to get work done? What does “strength” look like in such a leader? What does “accountability” look like in this environment? I hope to shine a light on such questions in the weeks to come to create more clarity around what it means to be a conscious leader. When you participate in a live, interactive workshop at Basileia, the workshop is embedded in a larger process to ensure impact in the workplace.
We have found that the likelihood of impact is much higher when the participant (a) prepares for the session beforehand, (b) applies and practices the learnings from the session afterward, and (c) has an opportunity for feedback and accountability around their learning: PREPARE Before each workshop session, participants are asked to access preparatory materials on a private web page, including handouts to download, preparatory activities, reading assignments, videos, etc. Typically, this preparation will take about 20-30 minutes. By engaging in the core concepts beforehand, participants can engage more interactively during the session itself. APPLY After each session, participants are asked to apply the key concepts from the session to their own workplace environment using specific activity worksheets as guidance. PRACTICE Each participant is invited to attend a monthly facilitated group practice session where they can ask for support on their individual challenges, ask questions, do role plays, etc. to support their learning. FEEDBACK and MUTUAL ACCOUNTABILITY Each participant is paired with another participant who will be their “Accountability Buddy” with whom they are asked to meet weekly for about 15-20 minutes so that they can give feedback and support to each other regarding the completed activity worksheets, reviewing key concepts and applying the learnings in the workplace. As a means of fostering self- and mutual accountability, each participant is asked to email their completed activity worksheet to the facilitator and to their Accountability Buddy at least 24 hours before the next session begins. Additionally, participation in the sessions and in accountability buddy meetings is tracked and displayed on the private web page. LEARNING SUPPORT AFTER THE WORKSHOP After the workshop, participants have these added resources to support their continued learning and application of the learning content:
We have recently announced group discounts when more than 2 people from the same organization, team or group enroll in the same workshop. It is a progressive discount that varies from 25% to 75% depending on the total number of people enrolled:
As an individual, you can invite other people that you know to enroll with you. To take advantage of the discount, you'll see it as an option when you enroll in any of our workshops. And keep in mind our Training Subscription Plan which provides unlimited access to our full public schedule of live interactive video workshops, and is priced between $100-$150 per person per month. This Plan is ideal where a group or an individual intend to enroll in a range of workshops. a three-hour live interactive workshop designed for the workplace part of the Conscious Leader Development programs at Basileia LLC Upcoming Sessions! Interactive workshop series via live video technology — three 75-min sessions Spring 2019 Series - Jun 4, 11, 18 Summer 2019 Series - Sep 3, 10, 17 Fall 2019 Series - Dec 4, 11, 18 Details & Enrollment: http://www.basileia.org/connectfirst.html “Intention organizes, A Conscious Leader's most potent skill is the ability to bring full attention and presence to people and to qualities that matter. At the team or organizational level, that means enlivening the intrinsic motivators such as Shared Purpose, Core Values and Direction. At the human level, it means the ability to fully "see" and "hear" the people with whom we work. In short, respect for their humanity.
This course builds on the skills from Needs-Based Communication (NVC) Core Concepts, and applies them in the day-to-day, moment-to-moment interactions that we have with the people on our team or in our organization. These are the moments that take a few seconds to a few minutes ... as we walk down the hall, in the few minutes before the meeting begins, or as we work side-by-side with someone on our team. By consciously showing up in these brief but frequent moments throughout the day, the Conscious Leader activates and builds an environment of trust and belonging. Workshop Outline Session 1: Attention and Presence: The most precious of human resources Session 2: "Hear Me": The foundation of being valued Session 3: "See Me": Redefining the need of recognition Workshop Format This workshop is an interactive, activity-based experience where participants are invited to learn through self-reflection, interactions in pairs or small groups, and engagement with the whole group. Workshops combine innovative, interactive strategies with essential principles of leadership and communication to create a robust learning experience. Delivery of this interactive workshop may either be as a live on-site event or a live video technology event — or a combination of both, depending on your needs. Full Workshop Description including registration: Connect First! a six-hour live interactive workshop designed for the workplace part of the Conscious Leader Development programs at Basileia LLC Upcoming Sessions! Interactive workshop series via live video technology — six 75-min sessions Winter 2019 Series - Jan 10 - Feb 14 Spring 2019 Series - Apr 11 - May 16 Details & Enrollment: https://www.basileia.org/accountability1.html
When we imagine relationships in a "power-with" environment, many tend to focus on the "with" — the gentle, connecting qualities such as being valued, empathy and care.
These are essential skills of the Conscious Leader that we introduce in the "Connect First: Bringing conscious presence into the workplace" sessions. Equally essential are the skills that enliven the "power": the fierce connectedness that leads us toward fulfillment of our shared purpose. Connection matters. And so does Purpose. Conscious Accountability within an environment of intrinsic motivation looks very different than the accountability that we associate with blame and punishment. There are new levels of self-awareness to embrace and new skills to learn. That's what this series is about. We will apply the self-awareness and self-responsibility that we learned in the "Needs-Based Communication (NVC) CORE CONCEPTS" foundations to real workplace needs for feedback and accountability. The Conscious Leader is both gentle and fierce. This course helps us develop the fierce side. Workshop Outline Session 1: Conscious Feedback, Part 1: Moving beyond praise & criticism Session 2: Conscious Feedback, Part 2: Receiving feedback Session 3: Mutual Accountability: "Calling in" to alignment rather than "calling out" Session 4: Conscious Agreements: Staying in integrity around our agreements Session 5: 100% Responsibility, Not More, Not Less: Taking full responsibility for my behaviors, but not for others Session 6: Conscious Terminations: Honoring the humanness of everyone when employment relationships are ended Workshop Format This workshop is an interactive, activity-based experience where participants are invited to learn through self-reflection, interactions in pairs or small groups, and engagement with the whole group. Workshops combine innovative, interactive strategies with essential principles of leadership and communication to create a robust learning experience. Delivery of this interactive workshop may either be as a live on-site event or a live video technology event — or a combination of both, depending on your needs. Full Workshop Description including registration: Conscious Accountability Our new Training Subscription Plan provides unlimited access to all publicly scheduled live interactive video workshops in Basileia's "Conscious Leader Development" program, and is priced between $100-$150 per person per month.  Designed for flexibility and affordability, the Training Subscription Plan provides unlimited access to Basileia's full set of live interactive video workshops that are in Basileia's public training schedule. Whether you are an individual who wants to hone your Conscious Leadership skills or an Executive Director or CEO who wants to enhance the skills of your entire leadership team, the Training Subscription Plan provides a cost-effective and flexible approach that ensures training impact. See the details about this new Plan here: Training Subscription Plan a six-hour live interactive workshop designed for the workplace part of the Conscious Leader Development programs at Basileia LLC Upcoming Sessions! Interactive workshop series via live video technology — six 75-min sessions Feb/Mar 2020 Series - Feb 20 - Mar 26 Apr/May 2020 Series - Apr 1 - May 6 Details & Enrollment: https://www.basileia.org/nvccore.html
This workshop helps you navigate that "space ... between stimulus and response." For most of us, it is a space where we can easily be triggered into the reactive "fight, flight, freeze" area of our brain. When we think and act from that fear-based place, our effectiveness and impact are diminished, especially as leaders within an organization. In our values-based leadership assessments, this behavior shows up in the leader’s "personal entropy" score, where personal entropy is defined as the amount of fear-driven energy that a person expresses in his or her day-to-day interactions with other people. Needs-Based Communication (NVC) is a potent process that stimulates new insights and gives us new tools to bridge the space between unconscious reaction and conscious response. It invites us to "stop playing the blame game," by enhancing our self-awareness and self-responsibility. At the same time, it enhances our ability to communicate and collaborate with others in challenging conversations, when emotions are rising, even when we seem to be heading into conflict. Though this is a foundational workshop in our Conscious Leadership Development programs, it is essentially a course on "Leading Yourself" ... and so it's really a course for anyone ready to enhance self-responsibility for their own life. And while there is a workplace focus on these sessions, participants are also invited to use personal or family situations in terms of applying the process if they choose. The skills and the mindsets are the same no matter where they are applied.
This series focuses on core concepts of NVC, and is a pre-requisite for more advanced training for Conscious Leadership, e.g. Conscious Conversations, Conscious Accountability, Building Conscious Teams, etc. Workshop Outline Session 1: Own Your Own Reactions: Observations Session 2: Own Your Own Feelings: Self-Connection Session 3: Own Your Own Needs: Authentic Expression Session 4: Invite Others to Own Their Own Reactions, Feelings & Needs: Empathic Listening Session 5: Own Your Own Choices: Self-Empowerment & Autonomy Session 6: Self-Responsibility: Being Accountable for Myself Workshop Format This workshop is an interactive, activity-based experience where participants are invited to learn through self-reflection, interactions in pairs or small groups, and engagement with the whole group. Workshops combine innovative, interactive strategies with essential principles of leadership and communication to create a robust learning experience. Delivery of this interactive workshop may either be as a live on-site event or a live video technology event — or a combination of both, depending on your needs. Full Workshop Description: Needs-Based Communication (NVC) Core Concepts Needs-Based Communication (NVC)* is a potent process that can support us when we are having — or need to have — challenging conversations that matter to us ...
... like giving authentic feedback to a co-worker ... ... or listening to someone at work or at home when we disagree with what they are saying ... ... or how we respond when we perceive ourselves as being "attacked" in a conversation ... ... or expressing clearly our personal or professional boundaries when a colleague has stepped beyond them ... ... or what we do when we feel anger rising in ourselves and we know we will likely regret the words we are about to say ... ... or when we've just expressed something in a meeting that really matters to us, but no one seems to have heard it ... ... or when we're too scared to speak up at all. NVC guides us to move beyond blame.
Here are some of the skills and benefits of using Needs-Based Communication in the workplace ... or at home:
Needs-Based Communication invites us to expand our perception so that we see ways to bring connection amidst conflict. At the core of this expanded perception is the skill to focus our attention on the underlying human needs that are seeking to be nurtured in any moment, both within ourselves and within the people around us. Examples of human needs include such things as ...
These underlying human needs are the motivation for our actions and our words ... the "why" behind what we do or say. Because human needs are universal — they are common to all human beings — when we bring them into explicit focus, they tend to stimulate understanding and draw us closer together. The potency of Needs-Based Communication is in its pragmatic simplicity. In any moment, including a moment of conflict, there are two ways to enhance connection & understanding:
These are radically different choices than we are accustomed to experience when we are in conflict: namely, fight, freeze or flee. While simple, NVC is often challenging to embody because we are so deeply conditioned to perceive each other through judgments and blame. With practice, the process of NVC helps us navigate within ourselves to transform unconscious reactions into conscious responses. What Needs-Based Communication is not ...
Our workplaces and our homes will become more vibrant when there is greater trust and care, and less fear and blame; more conscious responses among us, and fewer unconscious reactions; more listening to understand, and less listening just to respond. Needs-Based Communication is a pathway to take us there. ———————————- If you're intrigued by Needs-Based Communication, I invite you to learn more:
———————————- *Needs-Based Communication is based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, which he called "Nonviolent Communication™" or NVC. I have chosen to call the process Needs-Based Communication for two reasons:
I am excited to announce the redesign of the live interactive workshops within the Conscious Leader Development programs at Basileia LLC, including a new workshop format using live interactive video technology.
Highlights of the new design include:
I am thrilled that our new live interactive video workshops enable more people around the world to learn the skills of conscious leadership. I invite you to have a look at the details about each workshop, including the ability to register online for open-enrollment video workshops, using the links above. FYI: We've also updated the info throughout our website, especially in the "services" section. Here are a few highlights:
I hope to see you at one of these workshops soon! Warmly, Gregg Gregg Kendrick CEO / Lead Trainer & Consultant Basileia LLC Create a Workplace Where People Matter™ +1.434.260.0437 | connect@basileia.org | www.basileia.org “Leaders must grow for the organization to grow.” —John Mackey |
AuthorGregg Kendrick supports leaders to activate the human potential of themselves, their teams and their organization. Archives
January 2020
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